Humor

If the person who named the Walkie Talkie named everything

Stamps:Licky sticky
Defibrillator:Hearty Starty
Bumble Bees:Fuzzy Buzzy
Pregnancy test:Maybe Baby
Bra:Nesty Breasty
Fork:Stabby Grabby
Sock:Heaty Feety
Hippo:Floaty Bloaty
Nightmare: Screamy Dreamy

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?

A Walkie Talkie

Jack and the Ferrite Beads

Sasquatch at Cerro Gordo

Two antennas got married. The wedding was bad, but the reception was great.

What do you give your favorite radio technician for fixing your radio? Shorts.

I gave my nephew a book for his birthday. He went nuts trying to find the batteries.

I took my portable two-way radio to the shop for a checkup. They told me my battery needs a new radio.

An antenna installer was mounting an antenna on the tower when lightning struck the tower, blowing him off the tower and onto the roof. That was the one thing he hated about his job.

An engineer receives a call from his patent attorney that RCA just licensed his invention and to come get his $1M check and sign the deal. The engineer shows up 2 hours later because he decided to stop by the chief engineers office and tell him what he thought of his new circuit.

If necessity is the mother of invention, why are there so many unnecessary inventions?

The Sex life of an Electron

Mini and Micro

All men are CREATED EQUAL, but only the Finest become radio men!

WARNING! TO AVOID INJURY, do not tell me how to do my job!

Radio men use iWIRE.

DANGER! Not only will this kill you, but it will hurt the whole time you are dying!

Call a radio technician. He will repair the radio installation you did yourself.

Have no fear, your radioman is here!

Have you ever been to Electric Avenue? They have NO OUTLET!

Leftover parts are the proof that you made it much better.

Radio Service Rates:
$75/hour MINIMUM
$95/hour IF YOU WATCH
$120/hour IF YOU HELP
$150/hour OF YOU WORKED ON IT FIRST

Electricity Drive is a short circuit with no outlets.

Hey girl, our LOVE will burn longer than a tungsten filament in a vacuum sealed bulb.

I love you like a lineman likes a good power outage!

Good work ain’t cheap. Cheap work ain’t good!

I have no idea how to do your radio work, but my book says that you are doing it wrong.

I continued to fail until I ran out of ways to do it wrong.

I did not fail! I just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

If we’re not supposed to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge?

When I was young, I was scared of the dark. Now that I am grown and pay my electric bill, I am scared of the light!

With great power comes great electricity bill.

How much do dead batteries cost? Nothing! They are free of charge!

Spec Sheet for the UMAC-606

Electrical Humor

I didn’t know how difficult it was to be an radio technician. I was shocked.
What does an electrician call a power outage? A current event.
An electrician goes into a coma after coming in contact with high voltage power lines. The doctors said that he was just taking a power nap.
An electrician who tries to work as a carpenter is a bad carpenter. A carpenter who tries to work as an electrician is a dead carpenter.
How tall is a union radio technician? I do not know because I have never seen one stand up and work.
The favorite flavor of ice cream for an electrician is Shock-o-late.
What is the difference between God and an electrician? God does not think he is an electrician.
Which is the radio technician’s favorite band? AC or DC.
When I was growing up, my parents were electricians which meant that when I misbehaved, I was grounded.
What do you say when you break up with a radio technician?

Watt is love?

Baby don’t Hertz me.

Don’t Hertz me.

N-ohm-ore.

How is a mortician and an electrician the same? They are both shocked when they touch a live one.
The head radio engineer was frustrated about how long a job had taken. He complained to one of his subordinates that he said that the job would be completed in 3 days. The subordinate replied that he did not say that it would be 3 consecutive days.
I just opened my electric bill and water bill at the same time. I was shocked.
What is fried, grey and hangs from the ceiling? An electrical apprentice who did not listen!
Do you know why the light bulb failed his math quiz? He just wasn’t very bright.
Radio technicians never die. They just do it till it Hertz!
One manager bragging to his friend: I have a great new technician working for me. Last week I gave him a project and he stayed up for 4 straight days, completed the installation, finished the bill of materials and everything was perfect. Monday morning the client called and was thrilled with the results. His friend asked, “How far ahead of schedule did he finish?” The manager replied “Ahead of schedule? Who ever heard of a radio technician finishing ahead of schedule?”
Did you hear about the radio technician who painted the radio tower while wearing two jackets during warm weather? The instructions on the paint can said, “For best results, put on two coats.”
These electrical jokes are lame. Do you have some that are more current?
Why did the radio technician punch a hole in the wall? He needed an outlet for the radio.
Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, just like ham radio operators and CBers, plumbers and electricians, skiers and snowboarders, & electricians and electricians.
What is a radio technician’s favorite fruit? Currants.
How does one radio technician greet another radio technician? Watt’s up?
Several radio antenna installers were working on installing the new radio antenna on the tower out in the field after a recent downpour. After finishing the installation, one of them asked to use the bathroom inside the offices. Because they were so muddy, they were told to wait while some newspaper was put down on the floor. The installer replied that he was already potty trained.
The radio technician’s son was grounded by his parents. They said that he had no potential!
What happens when you beat up a radio installer that just finished installing a new two-way radio in your vehicle? You get charged with battery.
What is the favorite breakfast of a radio technician? Ohmlettes.
Did you know that Billie put up so much resistance with his parents that things got very heated!
An old and well-seasoned chief radio engineer for the local TV station was dying. Just before he died, he told his assistant Luke that, “With great (TV) power comes great responsibility! Use the power wisely. Use it in peace.”
The greatest detective of failures in radio equipment was named, “Sherlock Ohms.”
A radio technician heard that his radio technician friend had been shocked while working on a high-power radio transmitter and had to go to the hospital. His response was, “Ohm my!”
Two radio technicians got into an argument. It went on for five days. They just couldn’t find any common ground. Very shocking!
A radio technician was excited to go shopping with his wife because she said that they were going to the outlet mall.
A radio technician was asked to name two types of transformers. Decepticons and Autobots.
An old radio technician was trying to amuse a new radio technician by telling lots of jokes, but the new technician did not laugh at all. The old radio technician said that his jokes were just too old and he needed some jokes that were more current.
A teacher asked his class, “What is the unit of measure for one joule of energy per second.” Due to the loud noise outside the classroom, a student said “What (did you say)? The teacher replied, “That (watt) is correct!”
I fell in love with a female radio technician. She was a real live wire and I took her ohm with me.
A radio technician plugged in a radio transmitter at an ice cream factory and blew the circuit and all other power in the building. The company went into liquidation.
A radio technician complained to his doctor that he would get a tingling in his feet 3 separate times while walking to work and walking home. The doctor said, “Do not worry, it is just a phase you are going through.”
My radio technician was bad at his job, but he loved me to death which is why I was in shock when he died.
The favorite city for a radio technician is Washington, DC.
The last words of a radio technician are, “This power cable has no power!”
After spending hours trying to fix the power switch on a radio transmitter, the radio technician took a marker and wrote “Off” at the top of the switch and “On” at the bottom of the switch.
A radio technician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why that happened, he replied that he could not resist.
How did his crew know that the lead radio technician was dead? The donut rolled out of his hand.
My electrician was working in one of my apartments when he got electrocuted and died before he knew WATTs up. This was totally shocking to me.
How many radio technicians does it take to screw in the antenna connection on the radio? Only one because he will hold the antenna connector in the socket and the world will turn around him!
Why did the radio installer join Twitter (X)? So that he could post his CURRENT status.
A radio technician told the new installer to swing by the shop and fill out the ID10T form in the office. After arriving at the shop, he went into the office and asked for the form to fill out. He was laughed out of the office.
What do Radio Technicians and Crossfitters have in common? Lots of circuit training.
I bought a sweater that was picking up lots of static electricity so I returned it to the store and they gave me another one free of charge!
The radio installer was told by the technician to go to the tool box and get a wrench. Upon arriving at the tool box, he realized that there were many types of wrenches. He chose one and brought it back to the technician who chastised him for bring the wrong wrench. The installer never forgot to ask what type of wrench again.
Why was the thermostat smarter than the average technician? Because it had more degrees.
A lady called an electrician to repair her doorbell. He didn’t show up for 4 days. The lady called the electrician back to find out why he had not shown up and he replied that he had been there every day ringing the doorbell and no one would answer, so he left.
People asked me how it feels when you stick your finger in an electrical outlet. To be honest, it Hertz.
What does one radio technician say to another radio technician when they run into each other in public? Watt’s up doc?
According to The Bible, God said, “Let there be light.” And there was light unless the power company had a power outage!
A radio technician installed a high-power radio station transmitter in the building for the station owner. The station owner called to say that the transmitter was not installed correctly. The radio technician arrived to look at the transmitter while the station owner was present and found if he turned on the transmitter, the lights went out, sparks would fly across the room and his hair would frizz out! He then turned to the station owner and said, “You might be right.”
Did you hear about the radio repair shop that hired a new apprentice technician? He was working on the radio and when he went to the parts room to get a part for the radio, the others in the repair shop took some theater smoke they had in a canister and released it through a hidden tube so that it looked like the smoke was coming out of the radio. When the apprentice returned, it looked like the radio he was repairing was burning up in smoke. They all had a good laugh at the expense of the apprentice.
Where do radio technicians get their parts and supplies? At the Ohm Depot.
A radio technician got home at 4am after working late at The Oscars. His wife asks him, “Wire you insulate?” He replied, “WATT’s it to you? I’m OHM aren’t I?”
What kind of car did the radio technician drive? A Volts-Wagon!
A radio technician finished repairing some faulty wiring at the radio station and handed a bill to the owner who also happened to be an attorney. Five hundred dollars for one hour of work?” shouts the attorney. ”That’s crazy.” “I’m an attorney and I do not charge that much.” The radio technician replied, “Funny, when I was an attorney I didn’t charge that much either!”
For a family photo, the radio technician put on his favorite shirt. It said, “I’m a radio technician. To save time, let’s assume that I am never wrong.”
A superconductor entered a bar. The bartender shouted, “Get out of here! We don’t serve your kind.” The superconductor left without resistance.
Sam the electrician who was fired by the US Prison Service for refusing to repair an electric chair. He said in his opinion, the chair was a f*@$&#g death trap!
What is another name for a radio installer? A shock absorber.
Where does a radio technician go after their job is done? They go h-ohm.
Since I failed my radio license exam three times, I’ve decided to try meditating to see if it helps. Ohmmmmmmm.
I fell in love with a female radio technician. I couldn’t resist her.
How is a radio technician able to identify a dead battery in a pile of good ones? Because it lost its spark.
What did the radio technician get on his advanced radio technician exam? Slobber.
Two electricians we on top of a barn wiring power to the barn from the nearest power pole. The wind blew over their ladder. They did not have their cell phones and no one was around at the time. One electrician decided to jump down into a pile of manure that would help break his fall. He jumped and got down safely and yelled to the other electrician that it was only ankle deep. The other electrician finally decided to follow him after giving up on finding another way down. He jumped into the manure pile and ended up sinking into the pile up to his neck. After getting out of the manure pile and cleaning himself off, he found the first electrician and chewed him out for claiming that it was only ankle deep. He replied that it was only ankle deep if you jumped head first!
A wife asked her husband, “What are you reading darling?” It is a quote from the electrician, he said $300 should cover the cost of him coming to laugh at us!
WATT do radio technicians talk about? CURRENT events.
I used to date an electrician who worked at the studio with the lighting crew. Boy, she could reall light up a room!
Why did the radio technician get killed at a debate? He used conductive reasoning.
What is a radio technicians favorite snack? Microchips.
Why did the optimistic radio technician lose his job? He kept turning negatives into positives.
I met a really bad radio technician at the bar last night. Af first, there were som sparks, but he ended up saying some pretty nasty things to me and I left shocked.
My brother got fired recently for being such an irritated radio technician. He never conducted himself positively at work.
Why do radio technicians make terrible revolutionaries? They know resistance is a waste of energy.
What do you call a freelance radio technician? A solderer of fortune.
Why did the radio technician become a news anchor? He always had a knack for CURRENT events.
Why is it always better to hire three electricians instead of just one? Because many hands make light work.
Did you hear about the recently unemployed electrician? Apparently, he now ohm-less.
What is the difference between a radio technician and someone who is high? The radio technician knows where the ground is.
How did Mr. Power react after flinging off the disgusting electric charge he had on him? He was ex-static!
I caught my friend harassing a radio technician. I told him it was an abuse of power.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.\What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I have not seen you in light years.
“You are a unit of electrical energy, Sam” He replied, “I’m a WATT?”
Why do radio technicians tend to fall in love with proficient train drivers? Because they make good conductors.
What do radio technicians call a power outage? A current event.
On his first Christmas, the radio technician gave his mother-in-law an electric toothbrush. The next Christmas, he gave her an electric blanket. On the third Christmas, he gave her an electric can opener. He was working his way up to the electric chair.
How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an radio technician? Ask them how to pronounce “unionized.”
I just found out that the radio technician I hired is not licensed. Needless to say, I was shocked.
I lost my job as a radio technician. They said that I re-fused too much work.
Why do radio technicians periodically call their parents just to bad mouth them? So they stay grounded.
Why are radio technicians terrible sailors? They are always running around.
I cannot afford to pay for electricity anymore. These are dark times.
You shouldn’t try to be your own radio technician. This piece of advice shouldn’t shock you.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone so I tasered her and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.
How do you know if a radio technician is working with AC or DC power? With AC, his teeth chatter when he grabs the conductors. With DC,, his teeth just clamp together.
What is a radio technician’s favorite store? The Radio Outlet.
The lights in my house just went out, so I had to call the electrician. I was unable to deal with the CURRENT situation.
Radio technicians need to strip to make ends meet. Isn’t that shocking?
The local radio technician was arrested and charged with battery yesterday. He spent the night in a dry cell.
No radio technician has ever gone to the International Space Station. They do not think it is safe. None of the wires are grounded.
One day, my father gave me some money and told me to pay our electric bill. However, I spent all the money on a raffle ticket where a new car was the prize. The next day there was a brand new car in front of our house. The car belonged to the person from the power company who came out to cut off our power.
An evil genie captured a radio technician and two of her friends. Before banishing them to the desert for a week, the genie allowed each person to bring one thing. The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn’t die of thirst. The second friend brought an umbrella to keep from getting sunburned. The radio technician brought a car door because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window!
When people find out that I am a bad radio technician, they are shocked.
What are the worms that eat up electric wires? Electro-maggots.
How do you tell a good radio technician from a bad radio technician? One is 16 feet above and the other is 6 feet underground.
How did the antenna installers know that their foreman was dead? The donut rolled out of his hand.
What did the National Transistor Party do after suffering weak gain at the poles? They shifted their focus to base and started to re-energize it.
Why should a radio technician never be a surgeon? Because they tend to shut down faulty system and then re-start them again.